Our Journey with Self-Confidence

I want you to visualize deep into your past back when you were a wee kid.

There is no limit
There is no limit to what we are able see.

What were your hopes and dreams? Do you find amusement in what your child-self found so impelling for your adult-self?  Or, were you that well-grounded child who knew exactly what they wanted to become and how to achieve it with honors?

I remember wanting to be a hairstylist when I grew up.  I wanted that toy Barbie head with beautifully long hair that I could style to my fingers content. Unfortunately, I never got my hands on that glorious toy.  I had to I resort to the next best thing, my brother. I assured him I could trim his hair and make him look like the stud he was. And he TRUSTED me!!

several scissors
Let’s get this party started. Photo by Nick Demou

There was no evil laugh at the time while I was holding the scissors.  I truly thought I could do it. I can picture my brother and I standing in the bathroom, I maybe 7 or 8.  After a bit of time passed, I hear him asking me, “are you done yet?”  Me replying, “almost, just a little more on this side…”  I am positive I had that answer 10 times  switching between sides before he finally stopped me.  Today, laughter soars from deep in my belly every time I think about it. I ruined my brother’s hair!

Brothers
Brother, you are better than a superhero. You have earned my respect over and over.

Memories like these make me realize I once had an unquestionable amount of confident in myself.

When did that assurance weaken?

Maybe it was after my brother freaked out; I mean, it will grow back, bro!  But seriously, by the time adulthood arrived I wasn’t near as confident in myself. Where did it go, would I ever get it back, and did I fully realize it was gone?

me
A journey building self-confidence with each step.

Can you relate to a shift in your confidence compared to when you were a child?

I like how Wikipedia describes confidence stating, “it comes from a latin word fidere’ which means “to trust.”  Having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self.”  I don’t know if I connected self-confidence with trust in myself.  I suppose I just assumed confidence to mean, I believed I could so I did.  The association between lack of confidence and lack of trust with myself never crossed my mind.

It reminds me of the quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”  I knew I give my brother a handsome haircut.  I had complete trust in myself.  And, he had the arrogance I could.  Wikipedia says in comparison with confidence, “arrogance is unmerited confidence – believing someone (or something) is capable or correct when they are not.”  Sorry again, bro!

Each time we experience failure we subconsciously loose trust in ourselves.  We start to take risks based on level of failure rather than level of success.  Knowing the impact this line of thinking has on our self-confidence allows us to begin to bridge the gap.  Doubt will swirl in our thoughts.  It is there as a safeguard.  Accept it, but don’t allow it to change your confidence.  Once you notice failure is the drive behind your lack of confidence, turn your focus to the solution.

doubt
This is a powerful perspective!

If you started to reach for a goal there was enough confidence for you to believe you could achieve it.  Focus on clarity.  Take the steps needed to accomplish your goal.  If it is something technical like flying a plane you need more than just trust.  That is called overconfidence.  You must put in the work to make it happen.  When it is something you know you can do but fear is holding you back let your courage be your advocate.

With non-essential businesses closing like hair salons, my son asked me if I could cut his hair.  I can’t explain the thoughts I had as the image of my brother’s horrible haircut placed on my son’s head popped into mind.  I strictly told him, “no.”  A few days later, we were set up in the bathroom as I told him numerous times –  I don’t know what I am doing.  He had the same arrogance my brother had.  I made the first cut….it was shorter than he wanted…but still within ‘we are not freaking out territory.’  I managed to put all doubt aside and focus on the task.  I was the hair stylist I always wanted to be.  Granite, it took me 3 hours, but I had redemption.   It was cut even, had no bald spots, and he graciously told me he liked it…even though it was a tad shorter than he wanted.

laughter
I recorded the haircut after a comedy of errors.

The moral – trust in yourself.  I was more or less right when I thought confidence was like, I believed I could, so I did.  Believing is trusting. Without doubt accepting you can achieve anything you put your mind to – both tangible and intangible.

Where can you build that trust in your life?

 

 

 

16 Comments on “Our Journey with Self-Confidence

  1. Yes! I am working on this. I need better self confidence, but I am improving.

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  2. I love the phrase, “inhale confidence, exhale doubt.” I have been a little bit too much in my own head lately. This can help me change my focus.

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  3. Self-confidence is something I’ve been working on my entire adulthood! Thank you for sharing your story…I am happy it worked out.

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  4. Self-confidence is so important! I think it is important as parents to instill confidence in our children as well.

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  5. Just recently I bruised my tail bone rollerblading with my kids. I was so confident getting on those roller blades and whizzing around the rink. Then I thought ‘let’s try backwards’ and bam! Gosh it was painful, but more than that – a devastating shock that already (in my 40s) there are things I can’t do as bravely as I did when I was younger! As I age my confidence goes up in some areas, but on the flip goes down in many others. I don’t think I will ever get on roller blades again!! –Lynda Hogan

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  6. I love these quotes, my doubts have already killed a few of my dreams, as I was too scared to pursue them. Hope to change my attitude in the future! 🙂

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  7. I doubt myself before, then one day I realized it is not right. That I rather do it and fail, than never. From failures sometimes comes opportunities.

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  8. Self-confidence is a journey rather than a solid destination, at least for me. I find it so difficult to continue to reinforce my own self-confidence.

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  9. Self-confidence is so important but it is so hard to build it. I have doubted myself before, and I still do some days but i know if i want to reach my dreams, i should trust myself more

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  10. I love this. Thank you so much for being open and sharing this. I know it can be a bit difficult sometimes.

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  11. It is true, the more we doubt ourselves the more we can’t do. We should always give everything a try.

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