I want you to visualize deep into your past back when you were a wee kid.
What were your hopes and dreams? Do you find amusement in what your child-self found so impelling for your adult-self? Or, were you that well-grounded child who knew exactly what they wanted to become and how to achieve it with honors?
I remember wanting to be a hairstylist when I grew up. I wanted that toy Barbie head with beautifully long hair that I could style to my fingers content. Unfortunately, I never got my hands on that glorious toy. I had to I resort to the next best thing, my brother. I assured him I could trim his hair and make him look like the stud he was. And he TRUSTED me!!
There was no evil laugh at the time while I was holding the scissors. I truly thought I could do it. I can picture my brother and I standing in the bathroom, I maybe 7 or 8. After a bit of time passed, I hear him asking me, “are you done yet?” Me replying, “almost, just a little more on this side…” I am positive I had that answer 10 times switching between sides before he finally stopped me. Today, laughter soars from deep in my belly every time I think about it. I ruined my brother’s hair!
Memories like these make me realize I once had an unquestionable amount of confident in myself.
When did that assurance weaken?
Maybe it was after my brother freaked out; I mean, it will grow back, bro! But seriously, by the time adulthood arrived I wasn’t near as confident in myself. Where did it go, would I ever get it back, and did I fully realize it was gone?
Can you relate to a shift in your confidence compared to when you were a child?
I like how Wikipedia describes confidence stating, “it comes from a latin word fidere’ which means “to trust.” Having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self.” I don’t know if I connected self-confidence with trust in myself. I suppose I just assumed confidence to mean, I believed I could so I did. The association between lack of confidence and lack of trust with myself never crossed my mind.
It reminds me of the quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” I knew I give my brother a handsome haircut. I had complete trust in myself. And, he had the arrogance I could. Wikipedia says in comparison with confidence, “arrogance is unmerited confidence – believing someone (or something) is capable or correct when they are not.” Sorry again, bro!
Each time we experience failure we subconsciously loose trust in ourselves. We start to take risks based on level of failure rather than level of success. Knowing the impact this line of thinking has on our self-confidence allows us to begin to bridge the gap. Doubt will swirl in our thoughts. It is there as a safeguard. Accept it, but don’t allow it to change your confidence. Once you notice failure is the drive behind your lack of confidence, turn your focus to the solution.
If you started to reach for a goal there was enough confidence for you to believe you could achieve it. Focus on clarity. Take the steps needed to accomplish your goal. If it is something technical like flying a plane you need more than just trust. That is called overconfidence. You must put in the work to make it happen. When it is something you know you can do but fear is holding you back let your courage be your advocate.
With non-essential businesses closing like hair salons, my son asked me if I could cut his hair. I can’t explain the thoughts I had as the image of my brother’s horrible haircut placed on my son’s head popped into mind. I strictly told him, “no.” A few days later, we were set up in the bathroom as I told him numerous times – I don’t know what I am doing. He had the same arrogance my brother had. I made the first cut….it was shorter than he wanted…but still within ‘we are not freaking out territory.’ I managed to put all doubt aside and focus on the task. I was the hair stylist I always wanted to be. Granite, it took me 3 hours, but I had redemption. It was cut even, had no bald spots, and he graciously told me he liked it…even though it was a tad shorter than he wanted.
The moral – trust in yourself. I was more or less right when I thought confidence was like, I believed I could, so I did. Believing is trusting. Without doubt accepting you can achieve anything you put your mind to – both tangible and intangible.
Where can you build that trust in your life?